Hello all, if you've stumbled upon this you either knew me at one point, saw something I made, or you're hopelessly lost. In any case, I felt I should write a new post just in case somebody does stumble upon my page again.
I went back and looked at all the things I released here on NG. All the music and my two very poorly made flash movies. While I was never cut out to be an animator, my music ws better than I remembered. The mixing/mastering was really bad, but I enjoyed the melodies and the structure. Though I remember when those were being made, and I obsessed over small details. I wanted it to be perfect, and honestly I'm surprised I released anything. The reviews said they were mediocre, and I'm inclined to agree though for me being 16 I don't think it was too shabby. I digress though.
I signed up when I was 12 years old (shh don't tell Tom) and as you can see I'm 21 now. A lot has changed since I was that kid trying to escape real life on newgrounds. I had problems with self-esteem when I was younger, I was totally uncomfortable in my body and my offbeat sense of humour didn't really help me fit in. I was totally convinced that my music was average, with no redeeming qualities. I even grew to dislike my songs, I thought that everyone thought they were bad and I was blinded to this since I created them. I stopped writing new stuff and kinda accepted I wasn't a good musician.
This wasn't the case though! Fast-forward to when I'm 20, I got the itch to play drums again. After a few dead-end high school bands, I'd stopped playing drums for a while. Anyway, I joined a band to scratch my itch. I was kinda skeptical for a bit; I was really rusty at drums and couldn't think of parts to play, I still was under the impression that my musicianship skills were bad, and I wanted to play my style of music but that wasn't what fit the band's style. I stuck through and regained my confidence; my drum parts were starting to mesh and I started feeling better about myself (thanks to my bandmates). I've been messing around on my guitar and came up with some songs I really think sound cool. I realized I wasn't as bad as I thought.
The point I'm trying to make (and TLDR if you can't be bothered reading the above) is that it's easy to count yourself out and it's easy to stop trying. However, if you try to make yourself better, learn new things, and put the effort required in - you may come to realize you were better than you thought. If you have the spark to create, don't let it fizzle out, nurture it and soon you'll have a fire you didn't think you were capable of.
Stay golden guys, and don't let anyone discourage you from your passion.